


Crux of a Moment

by SuzakuSama (Phoeny)



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Drama, F/F, F/M, Fourth Wall, Friendship, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Incest, Multi, Platonic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoeny/pseuds/SuzakuSama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Utena as seen through quotes from "Othello". Some are UtenaxAnthy, but features other characters. For 10 shakespeare, livejournal community.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clockwork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miki duels with something in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rating &amp; Warnings: **G
> 
> Welcome to the first chapter of Othello x Utena! In the parenthesis next to the quotes, they're referenced as capitalized roman numerals for Acts, lowercase numerals for Scenes, and numbers for Lines - e.g. (I.i.1) would be Act 1, Scene 1, line 1.

* * *

**Clockwork**

_Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them." – _Othello (I.i.59)  
**  
**

* * *

 

Tick. Tick. Tick. Stop.

"Next!" She shouts, the command echoing across the room. 'Ahh, sempai,' he thinks, as he places the stopwatch on the seat of his chair. The captain wouldn't be the captain without going through twenty-seven opponents in the span of forty-eight point three seconds. Gripping the foil in one hand and mask already in place, Miki shifts into his _en garde _stance. Stop. On the balls of his feet, ready to pivot, he lunges.

Then he parries. He dodges, utilizing an _appel _before counter-striking Juri-sempai's attacks. Always aiming for the torso. His movements are like clockwork.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Their foils sound out instantly, screeching for a second before a whoosh of wind marks the blade's absence. A beastly tremor, and Miki hesitates. He sees a flash of blue hair beyond the windowpane, out of the corner of his eyes, as he retreats in response to the captain's advance. Oohs and ahhs comes out from the audience, but he heeds them no mind.

Tick. Ti-

She is losing her shine, and it upsets him. The Garden no longer exists, he has come to that conclusion. A murmur of gasps, as Miki is hit right above his heart. He has lost. Juri sends him a disappointed look behind her mask.

Stop.


	2. Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthy found truth-telling difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rating &amp; Warnings:**G, takes place during episode 29
> 
> Yay, a real drabble!

* * *

** Silence**

_"To be direct and honest is not safe." – _Iago (III.iii.388)

* * *

 

 

 I wanted to tell you. For a while, I wanted to tell you; however, every night, as we both lay on our beds, hands clasped together, I didn't say what I wanted to say. I was afraid—perhaps of something else as well. So I gave you, my Victor, clues.

"Perhaps it's one part of her feelings." You were perplexed as to my phrasing. Oh Utena-sama, there were always multiple meanings to a sentence. I elaborated further, wishing—hoping you would understand.

Ahh, so you did. Then the question was on me. What should I say now, Utena-sama?

 


	3. Misery's Penance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anthy's emotions get the better of her, and in a direction which she regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For [](http://10-shakespeare.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://10-shakespeare.livejournal.com/)**10_shakespeare**. This could be like a companion piece to "Silence" but stands alone quite well on its own.  
> Warnings for episode 37/38, mentions of attempted suicide.

 

* * *

 

**Misery's Penance**

 _"I understand a fury in your words, but not the words." - _Desdemona (IV.ii.34-35)

 

* * *

 

“You’re running away?!” Your accusation echoed through the void that was my soul. It stung, mocked, hated my actions. It twisted my act of atonement, my personal redemption, into something hideous in your eyes, the lowest of the low. You do not deserve to call me out on it. You were the one who was blind.

No more, no more. And thus, I fell.

“You’re just going to run?!” You repeated, as you grabbed onto my wrist, your tone of voice more adamant than earlier. I asked for forgiveness, because I knew, clearly I knew, I would hurt you by jumping. I suppose it was for my own benefit as well, because I never told you something. Something important. I had my chances, yes, many times. And I never acted upon it.

Now, when I did, when I finally did something, suddenly it was wrong. _You_ denied me. _You_ ignored my wants, my needs.

I am angry with you, Utena-sama. You are angry with me as well.

“Don’t we have a date to have tea and laugh together in ten years?!” You cried over the wind. Stop it, Utena-sama! Guilt me some more, shame me; I wanted to feel your hate! So why didn’t I feel it? Why was that, Utena-sama? Why? Stop pretending like you cared about me. I know I haven’t been on your mind in the last few days. Your thoughts were easily filled about him. Yes, him.

I want you, my Victor, to let me go. Don’t pull me up. You’re acting like the old Utena-sama. I want the other person, the one that is jealous, indifferent, and cruel. I’ve seen her recently, but where is she now? Why is there still a speck of that noble spirit you have? I truly hate it when you’re being noble.

Girls eventually go on to become Rose Brides. Girls who weren’t Princesses _were_ Rose Brides.

You seem to have finally caught on, Utena-sama.


	4. Glass Ceiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What, exactly, is a fairytale?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rating &amp; Warnings:** T, HEAVY spoilers for episode 34
> 
> I suppose I should also warn for major 4th-walling in this fic. And in no particular character's POV, although there are some unnamed cameos.

* * *

**Glass Ceiling **

_"In following him, I follow but myself."_ –Iago (I.i.61)

* * *

 

I have a story to tell you, and it is indeed a most wonderful tale.

"_Once upon a time,"_ and before I go on, do you know most fairy tales start out with this line? It is just about as cliché as "it was a dark and stormy night". It also lacks the succinctness of "call me Ishmael".

But I digress. Let's continue on.

"_Once upon a time, there was a Prince. A very noble Prince, actually, as most royals were…noble. A noble royal. A most noble Prince was searching for his_ (because Princes are males)_ Princess_ (which, undoubtedly, are female). _And they_ (the Princes) _search about for their damsels in the most peculiar way. They have to become heroes, rescuers in order to have her hand in marriage."_

(Extra, extra!) That is because it was most convenient for the Prince to be single because he just happens to be and the Princess to be single because she never is able to be otherwise. There's nothing sexual about it, just the way the fairy tale goes.

"_In most fairy tales, there was a villain, and they were villains because they did something repulsive over the course of our story. So we shall have a villain appearing soon."_

Wait, are you saying I'm giving away the plot of the story? But this is exactly how fairy tales are! I have no control over plot; what are you thinking? I only serve to tell tales; they don't serve me. Moving on!

"_In some fairy tales, the villain strove to kill the main character. There was one in which a Prince fell in love with a woman, but she turned out to be sea foam. Another was where the Prince was actually a poor man in disguise, yet won the love of a royal Princess. Needless to say, the Princess took care of everything in that particular story. Or how about the Prince who kidnapped his Princess and she thought him a handsome Beast instead? And yet another tale in which the Prince's father was killed and the Prince was powerless without the help of his subjects. Then he grew up, sang Hakuna Matata and all that jazz, became courageous, and was crowned King. Or how about the one where the Prince was a God, was duped by a mortal woman, yet still fell in love with each other."_

Now what do all these other fairy tales have to do with ours? (Do you know, do you know?) That's easy to answer! Noble figures are tragic characters; such is the fate of a Prince. These fairy tales aren't suited for children, yet they are the best audience! How ironic the situation. Where are we again? Ahh, here:

_"Like most fairy tales, the Prince had met plenty of damsels-in-distresses, but not THE one. The one Princess that needed to be saved, and live 'happily ever after' with him. It just so happen that he did meet the Princess destined to share his fate. And unlike the other washed-up fairy tales, he died."_

Yes, the Prince is dead. Why, you say? Because Princesses don't deserve to be saved. What they do deserve is to wallow in their miserable, single lives for the rest of Eternity! The whole concept is just a game. A GAME. Do you know? Do you know I'm tired of repeating myself, of telling audiences (you, the reader) the rules on which a fairy tale is structured on? The concept of "a happy ending"? And for whose sake? Certainly not the Prince, because he's fucking dead.

And certainly not the Princess, who is voluntarily helpless. Because she chooses to be. Now that I have your full, undivided attention, let's start over from the beginning.

_"There once was a Prince that shined throughout the land. Not just any Prince; he was called the Rose Prince. And he saved Princesses. Except one. For as the sister of a Prince, she was also a Princess. She also happened to be 'his one'. The one to have that 'happily ever after' ending most fairy tales sought."_

They got the 'ever after' part down, at least. (Extra, extra!) Happiness is a subjective concept, after all.

_"Except it didn't go as well. See, the Prince was afflicted with something, and it made him weak. Yet the cries for help never stopped. So his sister, the Princess took upon every grievance; every roar, echo, tear, hate, torn asunder throughout her body and she let her Prince rot while she suffered. The End. The biggest mistake was the Prince was shirking on his duties, and what kind of Rose Prince would he be if he let that continue?"_

That's easy. He becomes a Man.

(Extra, extra!) So dear reader, as you browse around other people's work of fiction, make sure you pay attention to what's not there and stop letting someone's hand cover your eyes.

Do you? Do you know? Do you even realize?


	5. Tempting Serpent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was nothing special, except in her own eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rating &amp; Warnings:** T, some dialogue from episode 17  
> A bit OOC, perhaps. Set in the same setting as "Clockwork".

* * *

**Tempting Serpent **

_"Beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on." – _Iago (III.iii,187-89)

* * *

 

 

She was in the practice room, yet again. That pose, always so prim, belied the fact that she was a flawed woman. She was the only one who can see it seeping out beautifully as always.

"Next!" The shout commanded a sort of intimidation behind it. A quick flash of steel reached up to the balcony, a clang echoed its battle cry, and the squeaks of footwork attested victory for the captain.

Damn her talent. Damn her poise.

"Next!" And a young man stood up with his gear. Ahh, yes, the very same one she saw conversing with her as she past them by one day. He was on the student council. What a perfect match they made, and she hated them. Why was she comparing herself to the captain, yet again? Of course, because that was called a "vicious cycle" and bad habits were hard to break. Just looking at peons fawning over her made her sick.

Yes, peons, and she was no better than the rest of them. _Nothing special_, a voice seethed inside her head.

Maybe she should just leave. Leave them be, isolated in their beautiful perfection.

"_No, I've beaten her! I'm the one who's always been there in her heart." Her hand clenched around a small trinket, as she descended into the void._

What happened next was too fuzzy for her mind to really remember.

Her hand gripped the railing, knuckles slowly turning white before it released the object, shoe soles softly clicking against the wooden floor. Then that stopped as well. She saw a shadow hiding in the corner, until it stepped forward.

Hmm, another girl. Her eyes narrowed as she sized the mystery girl.

_She looks exactly like the boy below_, she couldn't help but repeat that thought over in her head.

Of course, she paid no attention to her, and stared at the match below. She followed her line of sight, and it was no coincidence.

She was eying… Juri.

_The one who controls Juri is me! _Her mind was screaming, like an itch that didn't want to be scratched.

She didn't care that she was openly glaring at this…tramp, mentally imagining she was being pricked a thousand places under her gaze. A collective echo of gasps interrupted her.

Her eyes broke away from the girl and looked down at the commotion. The boy lost, struck right near his heart. Of course she expected that because the captain was peerless.

Her attention was diverted yet again by a scoff from the mystery girl. Juri took off the headpiece and tilted her head up, blue eyes landing on one particular point.

It ended at the mystery girl. Juri didn't look at her; she was paying attention to the mystery girl! She swore her dear Juri's eyes softened when she saw that… usurper.

_Why won't you look at me like that? **WHY WON'T YOU?**_

Her hands were clenched into fists. The mystery girl was flirting with the captain; she had to be.

_Only I can look at Juri like that. Only me and no one else!_


	6. Fool's Arcana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can a Prince retain their noble integrity and harbor selfishness within? Utena thinks about what Himemiya means to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rating:** K+  
> Some dialogue taken from episode 37.  
> It was harder than expected to be in Utena's POV. I have no problem with Anthy's but Utena's a doozy, partially why it has taken me so long to post it. I was working bit by bit on the POV and I hope it isn't too choppy.

* * *

 

**Fool's Arcana**

_"But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at; I am not what I am."- _Iago (I.i.60)

* * *

 

A letter from the End of the World had finally arrived. I tore it into pieces, scattering them across my bed. She had said, "I wish we could all stay like this forever..." and something was triggered in me. I had enough.

_What was the point?_

The Student Council kept quiet ever since the last battle with Touga. Even he seemed unsure of what was beyond the final duel.

Revolution? Was it really that easy to obtain it?

_Swoosh_, as the ball went in the basket.

Juri-senpai and Miki-kun stopped by, asked me to play badminton with them. It was fun, probably the most fun I've had in a month. It was great not dueling them for a change. And for that moment I didn't have to think about it.

_I'm glad to have these two as friends._ I thought, as I swung overhead at the birdie.

When I went back to change, the pieces were gone. So be it.

_She_ wasn't here either. Not that I particularly minded. It was getting more and more difficult avoiding her ever since...

_No I'm not noble._

I shook my head. Not the train of thought I wanted to take. I absentmindedly took off my clothes and wrapped a towel around my body. "Everyone has secrets they have to keep, right?" I questioned myself.

_What would a Prince do?_

She seemed to have caught on that I was avoiding her; hence she now avoided me. At least we are still amicable-I think.

I am... not sure anymore. I'm not sure of anything at this point.

_A Prince saves the day._

The shower spray is cold. I jumped out, letting it warm under my fingers before I stepped back in. Water cascaded down my back as I tilted my head up.

_No I'm not a Prince. Princes are fools._

I grimly thought that over. I didn't live up to a Prince's standard.

_A Prince believes against the odds._

Working the shampoo into my hair, I thought back to the ripped up letter. The End of the World...

_Do you believe in The End of the World?_

Honestly, I could care less. It just happened to be the final stage.

_Do you believe in Himemiya?_

That was a different matter altogether. I-I... don't know anymore. All I heard was the _tick, tick_ of the clock in my mind as I mulled it over. Again and again until my skin looked like a prune from the water. I'll think about it later. However I couldn't shake off what Juri-senpai said.

_"All I've been doing is playing prince."_

_"You love her, don't you?" Senpai questioned as I heard her shoes shuffled from leaning back against the pillar. Miki was opposite me, crouching down._

_"Himemiya and I..."_

I sighed.

* * *

"You seem very girlish tonight." He said. I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or a tease. It wasn't exactly a comfortable answer either. Something felt off. So I chose to dwell on it as I stared out the window. Eventually all this thinking was gonna make my head spin.

"In the end, all girls are Rose Brides," she said as she clasped my hand gently. That answer made me uncomfortable as well, and again, I felt like sympathizing with her.

"If you go to that castle, you'll meet your prince," she continued. That may be true, but her statement clashed with some feeling I have deep inside. I think she meant to be reassuring, but-

But.

I would be leaving her. If I don't go I wouldn't have the power to revolutionize the world. The problem I seem to be stuck on is why would I want that power in the first place? I think it's foolish to want for a power none of us seem to know what it would revolutionize exactly.

_Just like an ideal prince is a foolish thought._

'All girls are Rose Brides' huh, Himemiya?

I clasped her hand as well. No matter what rift is between us, I still care for Himemiya. I can change this. Would I be able to change the Rose Bride's fate if I had the power? Would Himemiya want that? What do I truly want then?

I want her to have the freedom to _be_.

* * *

Himemiya came up to me as I was on the grass, just after speaking with Touga and Saionji. She held something in her hands. The letter pieces were taped together, very much whole again.

_But I _ _am_ _ a fool._


	7. Tabula Rasa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kozue has difficulty rebuilding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Rating:**K+  
> **Notes:** Same time frame in "Clockwork", "Tempting Serpent", etc. Only that I've tried my best in maintaining Kozue's POV. This has been edited and formatted slightly different from the FF.net version.
> 
> //[FF.net Version](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6292638/7/Crux-of-a-Moment)//

* * *

 

**Tabula Rasa**  
  
_"Reputation, reputation, reputation! Oh, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial."_ - Cassio (III.ii.206-208)

* * *

We are twins. He is literally my other half when we came out of Mother's womb.

We shared a connection as soon as we were born. We always did.

I remember one of our conversations. Those secret talks you and I have that goes in circles to nowhere. '_Why am I making your life so complicated? Why can't you get a girlfriend in this school,_' you might be questioning yourself.

Because none of those haughty bitches are good enough for you. **None.** I am different. I am your twin. I should be special enough, the closest to you. However, I'm not - for music is your eternal companion, and I am left alone on the stage.

Did you hear the endless mutters, whispering in the night?

That night. I still am constantly surrounded, but this time, I am in control - not you or anyone else!

I did things just to get your attention. The endless chatter showed up in the daytime soon after. You didn't care, at least you didn't act like you did. The gossip converged on one name eventually: Anthy Himemiya.

You fancy her, brother? She catches your interest more than me? Because she can play and I have stopped?

Hah. She won't have you. I won't let you get close to her!

Here I am, on the balcony above the fencing area. I see you sitting, awaiting your turn. People must hold you in high regard, with you as part of the Student Council and Vice Captain of the Fencing Team. As expected of my brother.

I have no such ambition.

Focusing my gaze to my left, I have another obstacle to break through. This bitch across the balcony has been eyeing you for a while now, just sitting with your stopwatch.

You look at the watch, then the captain.

Then the watch again.

Look at me, my twin. I want your eyes on me.

"Next!" The authoritative female's voice commanded the room, easily biting through the silence.

Tch, you stand up and face the captain. Your face is masked, but I could always sense your feelings. What's on your mind, brother?

Her, Himemiya? Her, that fencing captain you are spending more of your time with? Or her, the little waif not ten feet away from me, still staring at what's mine?

Which one is it?

It doesn't matter in the end, brother. _Dear_ brother, your life is mine. You're my twin, the other part of me.

And nothing will change that.

 


End file.
